Scared

As the clock started ticking down, I started to feel a bit more scared. I can hear the second hand on the clock, the night is so quiet. 

I should go to sleep but yet I can't. 

It never rains but it pours

Why does everything always happen at the same time?

It's been more than a month since I came back from my holiday in Sydney and there has not been a day that is not filled with activities.

This 2 weeks is even worse. House reno, hospital and work is taking up all my time.

Work is also piling up what with 2 back-to-back events next week, merger official this week is already driving me nuts. And my new boss is putting me in charge of more projects for the one DNV celebration and other stuff. 

And today we almost had a scare, papa went through the talc pleurodesis and he was feeling uncomfortable and started talking negative stuff again. It's almost like a déjà vu of the second time he did the blood pleurodesis. Luckily everything is fine, oxygen level all ok. 

24hrs in a day does not seem sufficient at all! I prob need 36 hrs a day!

First day of hell

Survived first day of hell. Yay!!!

I was so tired that I actually slept thru part of the drilling. Hahaha...

The house is in total mess. So dusty and messy everywhere.  Thank god I can sleep with mum. Otherwise not sure what I gonna do man. 

Luckily the portable toilet and bath has hot water. I took my first bath tonight using the portable. It's cramp and the hot water either runs too hot or cold but heck, beggars can't be chooser. 

My poor Kayla has to be confined to mum's room for the next 9 days though, too dirty for her to be running outside. 

Nightmare has begun

The next 10 days of nightmare has begun.

Too many things happening for the next 2 weeks - reno, work, dad still in hospital. 

I need lots of luck and strength to go thru this period!

Reality

Today Dr Choo spoke to me and my sis.  

He told us that both he and Dr Chua decided to leave the tube in and let it drain for now. Even though Dr Agastian suggests that Papa go through the Pleurodesis again, they would like to give Papa a rest, start him on some exercise to build up his body before they decide on the procedure again. 

He then spoke to us about the future. That Papa's lungs will only get worse in future and if ever the day comes when his lungs are totally damaged and has to be totally dependent on machine and might be suffering, what are our plans?

To continue to let him be on the machine even if it might not be helping him and or will we listen to the doctor's advice on the best course of action? 

I guess this is something that we need to discuss among my sis and bro and even my mum. I'm not sure what would be the best decision if we ever comes to that, but I know what I would want if it ever happens to me. 

Personally if ever I am in a coma and is dependent on the machine to survive, I would ask for them to pull the plug and stop the suffering for them as well as for me.