Bagful of surprise

Received my package from drugstore today. So surprised when I opened the free bag that came with it. It's full of beauty product samples! 

Moving on

It's been slightly over two weeks since papa has passed away.

Things are also kinda back to normal. I think it has been rather easy with renovation work going on almost every weekend and lots of cleaning that kept us occupied and tired.  What a shame that papa can't get to see the nice bathroom and kitchen. 

At times though, I would still feel sad when I think of papa and shed a few tears. I can never forget the look on his face when he was awake in the ICU.

The only regret I had was not bringing him home.  

Papa, I hope you are in a better place now. 

Scared

As the clock started ticking down, I started to feel a bit more scared. I can hear the second hand on the clock, the night is so quiet. 

I should go to sleep but yet I can't. 

It never rains but it pours

Why does everything always happen at the same time?

It's been more than a month since I came back from my holiday in Sydney and there has not been a day that is not filled with activities.

This 2 weeks is even worse. House reno, hospital and work is taking up all my time.

Work is also piling up what with 2 back-to-back events next week, merger official this week is already driving me nuts. And my new boss is putting me in charge of more projects for the one DNV celebration and other stuff. 

And today we almost had a scare, papa went through the talc pleurodesis and he was feeling uncomfortable and started talking negative stuff again. It's almost like a déjà vu of the second time he did the blood pleurodesis. Luckily everything is fine, oxygen level all ok. 

24hrs in a day does not seem sufficient at all! I prob need 36 hrs a day!

First day of hell

Survived first day of hell. Yay!!!

I was so tired that I actually slept thru part of the drilling. Hahaha...

The house is in total mess. So dusty and messy everywhere.  Thank god I can sleep with mum. Otherwise not sure what I gonna do man. 

Luckily the portable toilet and bath has hot water. I took my first bath tonight using the portable. It's cramp and the hot water either runs too hot or cold but heck, beggars can't be chooser. 

My poor Kayla has to be confined to mum's room for the next 9 days though, too dirty for her to be running outside. 

Nightmare has begun

The next 10 days of nightmare has begun.

Too many things happening for the next 2 weeks - reno, work, dad still in hospital. 

I need lots of luck and strength to go thru this period!

Reality

Today Dr Choo spoke to me and my sis.  

He told us that both he and Dr Chua decided to leave the tube in and let it drain for now. Even though Dr Agastian suggests that Papa go through the Pleurodesis again, they would like to give Papa a rest, start him on some exercise to build up his body before they decide on the procedure again. 

He then spoke to us about the future. That Papa's lungs will only get worse in future and if ever the day comes when his lungs are totally damaged and has to be totally dependent on machine and might be suffering, what are our plans?

To continue to let him be on the machine even if it might not be helping him and or will we listen to the doctor's advice on the best course of action? 

I guess this is something that we need to discuss among my sis and bro and even my mum. I'm not sure what would be the best decision if we ever comes to that, but I know what I would want if it ever happens to me. 

Personally if ever I am in a coma and is dependent on the machine to survive, I would ask for them to pull the plug and stop the suffering for them as well as for me.

Third time's the charm

Just received the call from Dr Chua that they will be doing the third blood pleurodesis today. 

 I really really hope that it will be successful this time round. It has been way too long and I'm worried for my dad.  

Please let him be strong willed enough to go through this.

An adventurous day

Today has gotta be the most interesting of my trip in Sydney. 

We went up to Blue Mountains and it was freezing!  But we finally got to see the Three Sisters.

We then took a long drive to Jenolan Caves. I tried to sleep in the car along the way to the caves, my god, when I woke up, we were on this windy road going down the mountain. Reminds me of Taiwan when we were driving to Taroko Gouge. 

But the cave was spectacular. And John went on the cave tour with us. I was impressed with him, I was worried that he might not be able to do it but he did! 

The adventure started when we left the cave and started on the windy road back up. Shortly after we started, his car got a puncture. We had to stop by the side of the road to change tyre.  But it turned out that he doesn't have a jack in his car. We had to wait for a car to drive by and it was not a road that has a lot of traffic. Thank god a mini bus stopped but his jack is different. We stopped another car which happened to be the American couple who were in the cave tour with us.  They were not very nice, they said they don't have and drove off. Come on! They have a rented car and should have a jack. So unhelpful.  Luckily another car stopped and we managed to borrow the jack and changed the tyre.

And so we went on our way back to Sydney.  It was a rather scary ride back especially towards the end. 

We could see that John was tired but he refused to let Jeff drive. He became more reckless and for the first time, I actually fear for my life and couldn't wait to get home. I was so glad when we finally pulled up into his driveway coz even along the small road, he was driving so fast.

Thank god, there's only one more day left and we will be going out on our own tomorrow without taking the car.  I really can't take his driving anymore, especially long distance. 

The cause

Incredible!

I always thought that the fall I had that caused the stitches on my forehead was due to my brother. Turn out that I was so wrong. And perhaps it makes more sense about what the master said.

Apparently when I was around 2 or 3 years old, my dad was carrying me to play around the tomb area behind our old place. Dunno why but I fell and hit my forehead on the tomb. I was bleeding and crying non-stop so my parents quickly sent me to the hospital. 

I was a little spooked when I heard about it. And I was thinking perhaps that's why the spirit saved me. 

Now I'm just curious to find out how things are when we go back to the master after returning from sydney. 

I can't believe this happens to me

Ever since my sis told me the master said there's something wrong with my name and asked me to be extremely careful, I've been filled with lots of questions and was feeling a bit paranoid.

So this morning when my sis told me we can go see the master tonight, I immediately said yes. 

When we reached the temple and was waiting for the master, I kept wondering what would he say but I never imagined it would be like this.

I was glad when he told me there's nothing wrong with my name and there's no need to change it. Then he pointed his hands towards sis and me and i have totally no idea what he was trying to say! He also asked me to look at the picture of the Buddha on his table but I have no clue what I should be seeing. 

Apparently my sis can see the diff but not me!

However I was taken by surprise when he asked me if I got into any serious accident when I was young.  The only one I knew was the fall which required stitching on my forehead.

He then began to explained that a spirit actually saved me when I had the accident or else I would not have survived. And that's also the problem as the spirit is not able to reincarnate and thus has to follow me.  And it has possessed my body. He further explained that because of this, I can be fickle minded because there's two mind thinking. And while it did not harm me, sometimes it will 'disturb' me. Which explain the bruises I get sometimes for no reason. 

He told me to go to another temple to pray so that the spirit can be reincarnated. We immediately decided to go to the chenghuang temple so that we can settle this once and for all. We were super lucky as just when we finished praying, it's also time for the temple to close. I was tired by the time I got home man. 

I'm not exactly sure how this will end but I'm supposed to go back to him for another consult 10 days after doing as he instructed.

Do I believe it or not? I'm not exactly sure but I do know that there's no harm doing whatever is needed so long as its supposed to be good for me. 

What a woman should be

女人一定要有钱 , 情妇也会输给你。有一位女性 , 她的父亲曾教她如何当一个女人。她被父亲带到高级俱乐部 , 去看那些女人如何和她的父亲相处。後来 , 她结婚了 , 他的另一半没有情妇 , 只有她一个女人。她学了什么? 她学会了如何打高尔夫 , 如何评监美酒 ; 她学会了温柔聆听 , 学会了表达自己的意见 ; 她学会了摄影 , 学会了舞蹈 ; 她学会让自己高贵美丽 , 学会经营自己的事业。她不取悦男人 , 但男人喜欢她 ; 她不是情妇 , 却叫人难忘。 

 1. 永远不要让任何一个男人成为你生命的全部 , 要懂得投入越多失去越多的道理。 

 2. 不要为任何男人放弃自己的个性 , 其实并不是你迁就他 , 就可以让他觉得你多好 , 恰恰相反 , 男人更喜欢有自己个性的女人。 

3. 千万不可以为了爱情放弃事业。很简单 , 选择爱情 , 一旦爱情没有了 , 你就什么都没有了 ; 选择事业 , 即使爱情没有了 , 可是你还有本事赚钱养活自己 , 还有属于自己的生活。 

4. 不要企图依附男人生活 , 没有人会对寄生虫保持永远的热情。 

5. 不要在生活的细节上计较那么多 , 要知道 , 大部分男人是孩子 , 需要你的照顾。

6. 不要在发现你的爱情没有爱了的时候还固执的坚持 , 有时候 , 放手 , 不光是给他自由 , 还是给自己一条生路。 

7. 不要认为谁离开谁就活不下去 , 要知道 , 你的生命来自父母 , 除了他们 , 没有任何人值得你付出生命的代价 , 而你的父母只会希望你快乐平安。 

8. 不要为任何人打扮自己或把自己搞得不修边幅 , 要每天都把自己装扮的干干净净漂漂亮亮 , 美丽 , 只为自己。 

9. 不要总是用眼泪去打动去挽留 , 有时侯你的眼泪适得其反 , 微笑 , 一定要自信的微笑着面对一切。 

 10. 不要看低自己 , 每个人都有自己的优秀 , 他不懂珍惜 , 就找懂珍惜你的 ; 他不会欣赏 , 就找会欣赏你的 , 错过这一站 , 因为最好的那个在下一站等你。 

11. 女人 ~ 能靠谁呢? 人心会随着时间去改变 , 所以女人该懂得 : 靠山山会倒、靠水水会流、靠人不如靠己。 为自己的青春买单、为自己的幸福买单! 加油吧 , 魅力女人 ~

July will be a better month

Omg, June has got to be the worst month I've ever had in my life. Everything that can go wrong just went totally wrong.

Organizing the family day has to be my worst nightmare!

First the rooming that caused me the the greatest stress.  I made so many apologies for every god damn thing that I can almost do a template out of it.  And just when I thought the rooms were resolved, the haze hit singapore and Malaysia.  I never would have imagined the problems it caused me, definitely not the fact that we might possibly cancel the entire event. By the time the event came, I was totally not looking forward to going Desaru. 

And while i was busy trying to organize the family, they have to decide to do the groundbreaking for the new lab in the week after family day.  The groundbreaking ceremony was another nightmare.  It was super trying to organize a groundbreaking with less than 2 weeks notice.  

I never felt so tired even when i had multiple projects going on back in DHL. The most important I realized is that this company has no good support. Besides my team, the rest of the people just care about their own work. No team work at all.

Thank goodness that everything turned out fine in the end. No major hiccups for both events. And there was a tiny bit of silver lining I saw which kept my spirits up. 

Life still goes on even with the haze

Yes I know the haze situation is one of the worse this year. And yes, it hit a high of 371 which is hazardous.

But is there a need for everyone to post about it on FB day after day?

I don't even have desire to go into FB as almost every post is about the haze. 

People, don't you have better things to do than to talk about haze all the time? This is not something within our control. 

Life still goes on irregardless so just get on with your life and hope that we get fresher air soon. 

How much worser can it get

This family day seems to be doomed!

First rooming which is finally resolved.

Now the haze is causing me headache again! 

I might need to re-plan the entire program now. 

I just can't wait for the weekend to be over and done with! 

Myriads of feelings

I can't sleep last night, so many feelings all coming  over me at the same time. 

Excited and happy in what I heard

Uncertainty and shy in what my next step to take

Fear of losing this chance if I don't grab it

Worry about the future 

Everything seems to be going wrong

Every cloud has a silver lining or not

Today turned out to be the most shitty day I have had this year.

Early in the morning, I received a call from the resort telling me that they do not have enough 1 br for my group. Out of like 120, they only have max of 25 1br available for me.

I was left trying to re-adjust the rooming list and asked people if they can share rooms. More bad news came in the afternoon when they said their 2br are running low too. I was almost on the verge of despair.

I felt worse when in my urgency when I sent out the list to the staff asking them for help if they mind sharing room, I forgot to delete away the personal information. Received feedback from fellow colleagues. Even though they did not bash me, I felt bad though. 

I admit that it was partially my fault for not confirming with them on the number of rooms blocked for each category.

I finally thought of a solution and all I hope is that it will work out just fine in terms of the rooming and that the resort can also helped in terms of costing.

Keeping my fingers crossed and hope that 明天会更好. 

Never will I want to be in family day committee anymore! 

Looking forward to Sundown

My Oslo trip is cancelled! Surprising I didn't feel disappointed, I was actually glad. 

And the good news is I can now go for my sundown run. :)

Mervin brought over my race pack today, I must say this t-shirt this year is much more cheerful looking than the previous ones.

Right now I just hope that I don't fall sick and run a good time on Friday or rather Sat morning. 

好累

Not a good day at all today. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.